A woman says she has long-known her boyfriend had a gay past. It didn’t used to bother her, but lately it’s all she can think about, so she’s seeking help from advice guru Dear Deidre.
“My partner insists that he is not gay but he has admitted to having had sex with another man before we became a couple,” the woman writes.
She goes on to explain that they’re both in their early 30s now and have been dating for just over a year, though they’ve been friends since their mid 20s.
“Before we got together, he would tell me all about his various sexual escapades, and they were not generally things I would do,” she writes. “He had joined a swingers site to find women for sex and he also had sex with another guy.”
She says this didn’t bother her at the time, but now that they’re officially a couple, it’s an issue.
“He treats me very well, but every time we have sex I can’t help but imagine him having sex with a man,” she writes.
“Just the thought of it makes me feel sick.”
In her response, Deidre informs the woman that “most people are neither entirely gay or entirely straight” and that a lot of people experiment, especially when they’re in their 20s.
“It is not so very unusual to have tried out a same-sex encounter at some point in life,” she writes, adding, “but it doesn’t sound as though you have explored this issue very fully since you got together as a couple.”
Deidre goes on to say that if she wants the relationship to work, she’s going to need to address the issue with her boyfriend so she can better understand it.
“The way he would explain it to a friend is probably quite different from the sort of reassurances he would give a partner,” she says. “Brushing it under the carpet clearly isn’t working for you, so you must raise it with him.”
“But,” she adds, “best not at an intimate moment.”
What advice would you give this woman? Sound off in the comments section below…