POPE FRANCIS. Names first Black U.S. cardinal, Wilton Gregory.

VLADIMIR PUTIN. Says he sees nothing criminal in Hunter Biden’s past business ties with Ukraine or Russia.

AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS. See the full list of nominees this year.

SAN FRANCISCO. Board of Supervisors unanimously passes CAREN ACT to deter racially motivated 911 calls.

HO NO. Trump Administration’s plan to use mall Santas to tout COVID vaccine reportedly halted.

NEWSMAX TV. The right-wing channel is vacuuming up a roster of ex-Fox stars, MAGA fanatics, and disgraced media stars in a bid to topple Fox News.

BORAT. President Trump isn’t a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen, the comedian behind Borat. “Years ago, you know, he tried to scam me and I was the only one who said no way. That’s a phony guy and I don’t find him funny. To me, he’s a creep.”

SBC RESPONDS. “Donald—I appreciate the free publicity for Borat! I admit, I don’t find you funny either. But yet the whole world laughs at you.”

FAUXLANIA. Did the fake Melania Trump make another appearance this week?

NORTH DAKOTA. Wants to divert $16 million in COVID stimulus funds to fracking.

SHIA LABEOUF. Bears it all in new short film Love Me Like You Hate Me.

TEXAS. Kamala Harris to campaign in the Lone Star state later this week.

ORLANDO BLOOM. Surprises Katy Perry with a very NSFW birthday message.

MONDAY MUSCLE. Tyler Johnson Ellis

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